PartyBoy and DonkeyPunches
by Big Dan Mongoosedog
Summary: Emmett finds out about PartyBoy and DOnkeyPunches. FInd out what happens when he begins pranking the entier house! All human.


Chapter 1 – YouTube

**EmPOV**

It was a boring day at our house, so Jasper, Edward, Rose, Alice and Me decided to get online and play a game of cards. We were playing Texas Hold Em' and Alice kept losing because no matter what hand she got, she always wanted to raise, she never folded. After ten rounds of internet poker, it was me and Jasper left. I had an Ace/King with an Ace on the table; there was no way I was folding now! I decided to go all in and Jasper did the same. The final cards were flipped up and I ended up with two pair. Jasper showed his hand and he had a straight! A mother flipping straight! I lost and then messaged them over the chat.

"Good game, Jazz. Well, I'm going onto YouTube to find some funny videos, see you guys later!"

"Don't forget Emmett, dinner is in 30 minutes."

It had to be goody-goody-two-shoes Edward that reminded me. I sent him a retard face and then logged out of the chat and the card game and went to YouTube. I searched 'funny videos' and there was a lot that came up! I scrolled down the list and one caught my eye; the title was 'PartyBoy!!!' my computer loaded it up fast and I watched it. The video was the single most frickin' awesome thing I had ever seen! First you heard some cool techno music playing and then you saw this guy dancing down the street in a man-thong and rubbing up on people that walked by. My laughter must have shook the house, because the door opened and Jasper walked in.

"Close the door and come here!"

I said, breaking my laughter for a second. Jazz closed the door and walked over to the computer table, grabbing the extra chair and flopping down in it. I replayed the video for him and we both laughed hard, he even fell out of the chair and was laughing on the floor. We heard a knock on the door and I quickly exited the video, before shouting 'come in!' Alice waltzed in and closed the door back. Jasper still hadn't got off of the floor, so I kicked him and helped him up.

"What are you two doing, guys?"

Alice's voice was curious and loud, so I was sure that Rose and Edward were on the other side of the door, listening. I decided to play a joke on her.

"Oh, we were just looking at your baby pics…."

"WHAT?!?!?!"

"Here, Jazz, take the photo book and run!!"

Jasper grabbed the fake book and ran out the door.

"Jazzy!!"

Alice ran after him, and I shut the door again. I went back to YouTube and searched PartyBoy. I found the video and practiced the dance with it. After I got the dance right, I went on iTunes and downloaded the PartyBoy song. I burned it onto a CD and put it in my stereo system, it played perfectly, so I turned the stereo off and left it there. Then I searched 'funny videos' again and found a clip that had the title 'Donkey Punched!' on it, so I clicked it and it was hilarious. Actually, it and the PartyBoy video were the two funniest things I had seen in a long time. I learned how to do the Donkey Punch and then exited the internet all together.

"Dinner!"

Esme called to us from the kitchen. I was out of the door and downstairs in record time, only to find that Carlisle had beaten me to first dibs.

"Awwww, dad! That isn't fair; you know I always get first dibs!!!"

Carlisle turned his head and smiled, right before he dug into the lasagna that Esme made and put a big piece on his plate.

"Not tonight, Em!"

I made a face at him before getting in line behind him. Right when I got my plate filled, Rose got behind me and then the others behind her. We went to the living room and sat down to eat. I turned the T.V. on and watched the Carolina Panther's football game that was on. Jasper betted me that the Panthers would lose and I took it, simply stating how crazy he was. They were playing the Patriots and it was the last part of the game, the score was; Panthers – 28, Patriots – 14. Then it happened, the Panthers were on defense and they almost stopped the Patriots, but didn't make it, so the Pat's score was now 20. I was on the edge of my seat when they made the free point and it was 21 to 28 now. The next play the Panthers lost the ball and the Pats scored again, making the score 27 to 28. The play clock had 5 seconds on it when the Pats scored the two points by running it in after the touchdown. The game ended with Pats - 29, panthers -28. I decided now was as good of a time as any to try both of my new found pranks.

I went upstairs and grabbed the PartyBoy CD, I didn't have a man-thong, s I settled for one of Rose's g-strings. My outfit fell to the floor as I changed and then went out the door and into the kitchen from the back way, that way I was sure not to get caught until I pulled PartyBoy off. The stereo in the kitchen was the same as mine, so getting it to work was as easy as…..well….as easy as…..as Rose!......Wait a second…..don't tell her I told you that, okay? Please?!? Anyway, now I pushed the on button and the song started. I slowly started the dance by doing the same thing on the video, bouncing with my upper body while I moved my legs. When I got to the living room, everyone's mouth fell open. As soon as the bass drum kicked in I started dong the dance, run-dancing at Jasper just as he stood up. I began humping him with my lower body while moving my upper body all over him. Alice laughed and Rose smiled, Edward ran out of the room and Carlisle and Esme both were still picking their jaws off of the floor.

After the song was done, I ran upstairs and threw on my regular clothes, then grabbed the CD. I looked at Jasper and he was rushing to the shower in his and Alice's room, holding new clothes and a 6-pack of bar soaps. Geez, give a guy a free dance and he treats you like dirt. Rose walked over to me and placed her first finger on my chest and let it trail down, stopping just before my shorts. I smirked at her, and she winked at me, so I chased her upstairs. When we were in our room ……. Well…….. That is a story for another time.

We came out of our room around two hours later and took a shower together, and then we headed for the living room, only to find Jasper asleep in Alice's lap. I motioned for Rose to wait and for Alice to get him to get up and run to the kitchen for her. She nodded and I went to hide right beside the kitchen door. Jazz didn't disappoint; he came in through the doorway, rubbing his eyes as he passed the hiding me and went to the fridge. I eased in behind him, and pushed my first to fingers' knuckles out and waited for him to raise up. He got up from the bottom shelf and I pushed the back of his head with my two knuckles hard.

"Donkey Punch!"

Jasper's head flew forward and up when my knuckles pushed it, making me let out a howl of victory and then run as he picked up a turkey leg and chased me into the living room. I ran around the couch and jumped over Alice and Rosalie, who were now sitting on the couch watching some soap opera, and ran into his and Alice's room. Once there, I grabbed his favorite item, the confederate flag pasted onto the ceiling, and threw it over me. He busted into the room, turkey leg held high, and then began begging me not to hurt his precious baby.

"Come on, Em, don't hurt the flag!"

"Jazz, give me the turkey leg."

"Here."

He gave me the turkey leg and I began eating it. I slowly backed out of the room and then shut the door on him right as he lunged for me to get his flag back. I took the garment off and ran back to the living room. Rosalie stood to let me flop down before she sat on my lap. Jasper came down the stairs a few minutes later and when he was on the last two steps, I threw the turkey leg at his groin. Total success! He saw it coming, but didn't stop it in time. The bone end of the leg nailed him straight in the wedding tackle and he fell down the remaining two stairs and landed on the bone side, nailing himself, again.

"Yesssss!"

I howled in laughter again, and Rose joined me this time, but Alice gave me the look of death.

"If this doesn't work right from now on, you owe me a big favor."

She turned Jasper over and grabbed his meat and two veg, and he let out a groan in pain to respond to her touch. Alice continued giving e the death glare and I simply brushed it off by kissing Rosalie. We kissed and kissed, then things heated up and Jasper and Alice had to leave the room, because we couldn't control ourselves.


End file.
